Introv3rted

One day in December 2024, I decided to partake in some…indoor gardening and having a little alcohol spritzer. Within 30 seconds, I was on my back on my living room floor struggling to lower my heart rate from 165 BPM. This lasted several hours. I felt lightheaded, dizzy, shortness of breath, and I swore I was going to pass out. I ended up doing a crab walk to my fridge just to get some water. These symptoms went on for almost 2 years, periodically. I learned that some things that triggered this reaction were caffeine, marijuana, alcohol, high temperature, exercise, dehydration, and lack of sleep. I had been in and out of the E.R. no less than 10 times within this time period (2 via ambulance). It’s worth noting that this happened 2 or 3 times before since 2020 (Covid shots anyone???), but then became an almost daily occurrence.

I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) in July of last year and was unable to get an appointment with a neurologist until May of this year. POTS is a disorder of the autonomic nervous system. It causes an excessive increase in heart rate (tachycardia) upon standing, along with symptoms like dizziness, fainting, and fatigue. The appointment lasted all of 10 minutes, which resulted in blood tests (which was all normal) and a list of exercises to do that would not agitate my POTS (plot twist: it did anyway). I suck at being consistent with exercise, but I did take my vitamin D daily and attend rowing classes approximately 3-4 times a week. It wasn’t until 3 weeks ago, when I was moving from one apartment into another, that I was not having any symptoms.

“God, I miss weed and alcohol. But mostly weed.”

After realizing that I was asymptomatic, what do I decide to do? You guessed it! Gardening! Before my involuntary nearly 2 years of sobriety, I was a daily smoker for 10 years (and yes, my lungs and heart look fantastic, thank you for asking). I have been partaking for the past week without any symptoms. I’ve also taken showers hot enough that would make Satan cringe, dealt with this recent serious summer heat wave, and attended an outdoor concert with little to no issue at all. One thing’s for sure, I am going to miss using my FMLA to attend hockey games, concerts, and just to take the day off because I don’t want to deal with any assholes calling me a cunt n*gger b*tch that day. I need a break from the crisis line, you know? Ever since the white supremacists elected their new leader, the crisis line was gutted (people left), and now there aren’t workers to meet the demands of veterans and active duty service members who are having a suicidal or mental health crisis. Which, in turn, puts us (the workers) in a state of crisis. Crises for everyone! I will miss the ambulance rides (it was only $100? Go insurance!) and the night shift at St. Mary’s Hospital (they are fuckin awesome). I will also miss getting lots of IVs, even though now there is so much scar tissue in my arms I have constant dermatitis; eventually they are going to have to find somewhere else to stick me. My license says Virginia, but my inner forearms say West Virginia. Thank God, I don’t take any pain medications.

“…but as I get older, I find comfort in rereading favorites. It’s like spending time with old friends.” – The Book of Doors

I will say that if there is one thing that I excel at as a human being, it is adapting. Since my diagnoses, I could no longer take my long walks in the park or visit the petting zoo, especially in anything over 75 degrees. I could no longer attend outdoor festivals/activities or drink socially. So, what did I decide to do? Go back to reading. Last year, I read 51 books. Currently, I have completed 31 books this year. I read books like I have a graduation deadline. I am dead serious about it. Yea, my library may consist of a lot of fantasy or erotica, but I also enjoy a good Greek story, self-help, historical fiction, or book on just surviving white supremacy in general. As I type, I am taking a break from putting together 3 IKEA Billy bookcases that 4 attempts at using the app Task Rabbit has failed to do. 1 down, 2 to go. Some other hobbies that I have picked up are buying books (yes, that is a hobby), pottery, journaling, a traveling journal group that I joined on TikTok, tarot, video games, broadway shows, concerts, hockey, and now blogging. I do find that I enjoy blogging more than writing, as it hurts less. So far, this year I have experienced:

• Bruno Mars
• 2 hockey games
• Usher/Chris Brown
• Beauty and the Beast Live on Broadway
• The Wiz Live on Broadway
• 1 pottery class

I am seeing Ed Sheeran (for the 3rd time) in September! And I am also seeing TLC/En Vogue in September as well. I am contemplating signing up for another pottery class. I would like to reacquaint myself with the art of making jars. We’ll see that I come up with.

-S